Expectations from a mother.
Do you ever doubt your capabilities as a mother ? If yes, you are not alone.
Motherhood is one of the most precious gifts that a woman can ask for.Nothing can surpass the joy of holding your newborn for the first time..it’s surreal,we created a life ,tada!However, then and there starts the arduous journey of being a mother with its joys and sorrows, the trials and tribulations.
Too much is expected from a woman as a mother.As if being a partner,daughter,professional isn’t enough.The society has put together this idea of a mother being a loving,compassionate,caring woman always there for the kids.She is a cook,cleaner,driver,launderer,therapist,mentor,shopper,nurse,tutor..
As if we don’t have enough self-doubt on our ability to essay the above roles with a certain degree of acceptability ,the society is out there judging us .If the kid goes to school with a stained jacket or forgets his lunch,is eating unhealthy snacks,getting too much screen time- direct attack at mommy-hood.Give us a break you all!
Are we not allowed to fall short on the expectations?Are we not humans, with all our fallacies and personal struggles of being a woman,a lover,a daughter ,a working professional or a home-maker etc?
WOMAN as a mother has been idealized over the centuries.In context of modern times we cannot be fit into that mould anymore .We need to redefine the concept of a modern mom.
“Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled.They are the ones that never give up despite the struggles”
Motherhood is magical,rewarding,scary.We want the best for our kids.Constantly worrying about their well-being,their choices in life,their happiness,their success and failures.Worry is another name for mother.
Being a mother is no easy task and we all know that.There’s no defined criteria of what’s an ideal mother.
We are all trying to do our best within the confines of our environmental constraints. A homeless mom can feed her baby soda and candy ,if that’s all she got -it would be called caring.while if a more well-off mother does that she is called irresponsible.
For the most part ,all moms are struggling to do their best in the role.
Juggling between different roles many a times we lose our own individual identity.Till a life changing event ,that shakes us out of this rut. and we strive to find our identities,we feel lost,incomplete,a bit unfulfilled,baffled.
We are being asked to be a master of all trades.Too much pressure, we are bound to fail. Be the best mom you can be.It’s ok if kids get too much screen time ,or if the kids get an unhealthy meal/snacks occasionally because u need to meet some project deadline .Don’t judge a mother without knowing her story.
Many a times you just have get through the day somehow with so many different priorities
If we are the best human being that we can be,I believe we can essay the different roles with more aplomb.
As a mother I am seeking validation ,in the form of acts of affection from my kids.Always undermining myself as a mom. Am I being too hard on kids or do they need discipline?
constantly asking myself,Do I share a bond with my teenage daughter.would my kids come to me in crisis ,do they trust me enough that behind the heavy hand is a soft loving heart of a mother.
I mean they seem to be 3 individuals that I deal with,provide for.They have been a part of my growth.They sometimes show me the mirror.On my vision/daily tracker board my daughter wrote — “don’t take out anger on kids” and Don’t yell when telling kids something”. I did not realise I was doing it,till they pointed it out.I have been self-aware since then .I read it everyday and ofcourse I have curbed that habit.
Moms- don’t depair.You are blessed with the gift of motherhood,make the most of it but don’t lose yourself in pursuit of perfection.Some days its ok not to be ok.To be vulnerable, not be the strong mom who can take on the world.Be easy on your self.Be proud of yourself,appreciate yourself.
All I have to say,cut some slack ladies,it’s ok not to be a perfect mom all the time,that’s humanly impossible.Don’t wait for birthdays or mother’s day to feel special.DO the things that rejuvenate you — girls nite out,visit to the salon,date-night,a spa day.You don’t even have to step out.Have a DO NOT DISTURB couple hours ,put your feet up and enjoy your coffee or wine,listen to music,watch your fav show,read that book,whatever catches your fancy.
Carve out some me time daily -Go for a walk /jog.Sit in the park watching dogs and kids at play.Be happy,be healthy,fill your cup of self-love ,and then go be the best mom that you can be.There are no comparisons. for your kids you are world’s best mom.Love y’all!
